Good things come to those who wait. And wait.
Tuesday morning, after ESPN wrecked another “Monday Night Football” telecast with mindless excess, I again figured we were harpooned, ruined, marooned and doomed. (Look, Ma, I’m Clyde Frazier!)
But then I read a tidbit that instilled hope. What goes around comes around. And we’re headed back! Galaxies, no matter their size, make a full rotation every billion years. It’s true! And I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait.
OK, it’s not like the “Back In 10 Minutes” sign on the hardware-store door, but still, all we have to do is wait it out.
On Tuesday, I realized Sunday’s Dolphins-Jets on CBS, for example, could have been met with a smile instead of a three-hour grimace, starting with the first play from scrimmage when analyst Jay Feely declared that the Miami defense “wants to create negative plays.”
And there was plenty more genuine new-age pigskin gibberish — irrelevant stats, “high-pointing the football,” “attacking the edges” — where that came from.
The game’s calamitous, ludicrous ending was sponsored by the Roger Goodell Institute of Knee-Jerking Continuous Confusion, its faculty comprised of those who practice zero foresight and rotten hindsight to make protracted glop of games.
The Jets kicked a shorter, game-winning field goal due to the new pass-interference replay challenge rule that reversed nothing more conclusive than a maybe to a decisive maybe.
Moments later, with the Jets 22-21 winners, CBS wisely kept its live shot on Miami coach Brian Flores, who, as per NFL design, was livid with the replay refs who were not on the field, thus made an extra-mad dash for the officials who were.
CBS had the gold shot. But as Flores, enraged, reached the officials, CBS left the scene. Why? For what?
To show two Jets’ fans standing in the rain!
It reminded me of the time Ch. 4 cut to a crowd shot the second before the switch was pulled for the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center.
Next, with Flores presumably still apoplectic, CBS cut to Jets coach Adam Gase, then to Jets kicker Sam Ficken. It returned to Flores in time to see him leaving the field.
Thus, start to even past the game’s finish, the telecast was from a black hole in the galaxy.
Monday night’s Giants-Eagles was dominated by play-by-play man Joe Tessitore’s reminders — an ESPN-like all-game sell — to watch the Giants-Eagles game on ESPN, the game we already were watching.
Trying to add significance, Tessitore repeatedly parroted that the Eagles can win their division if they “win out.” As a FanDrool prop bet, Tessitore covered the over (and over and over) before halftime.
And his inability or unwillingness to say nothing or quickly speak the obvious was heard in romantic couplets, such as, “The rain continues to pelt down on the helmets.”
Reader Rich Meyerson, taking a wild guess, thinks Tessitore was trying to say what we could see: “It’s still raining.”
But hang in there. Our once-every-billion-years galaxy is coming ’round. As sung in that wonderful gospel song, “You don’t need no ticket, you just get on board.”
Some bad optics can be seen coming a mile away
When Yoenis Cespedes rehabbed his injured leg on a golf course, Mets GM Sandy Alderson conceded that it made for “a bad optic.”
Of course, due diligence would have demonstrated to the Mets that they’d signed Cespedes for $110 million over four years despite his expendability by three previous teams because of bad on-field optics, as in he didn’t give a damn.
And now, for our latest bad optic, we have the Jets’ new, $13.5 million per RB Le’Veon Bell, out for Sunday’s game with the flu, demonstrating his sense of discretion and devotion by spending Saturday night bowling.
Again, due diligence was avoided or ignored. Why is it that every Steelers fan knew Bell, who abandoned his team all of last season in a contract hassle that reeked of selfishness, as a rotten, wish-based risk, but the Jets were unaware?
Reader Rich Lau suggests Bell chose to go bowling to ensure at least 12 touches per game.
This is flippin’ crazy
How would a vigilant, right-headed parent deal with what MLB is trying to do to their kids in attracting them to baseball, a team game?
MLB Network keeps doing its share to drive the game backwards. Its third annual “Best Bat Flips” is coming to MLB Network to entertain kids Rob Manfred wants to instruct how to “have fun playing the game.”
Yep, rank public immodesty is cool! Humiliate your opponents!
OK, so the brawls that follow are a natural residual to bat flipping, but those, like the World Series, won’t be seen by kids. Neither will those bat flips that resulted in singles rather than doubles or triples, and in balls caught near the wall.
Would Manfred encourage the kids in his life to behave like self-smitten creeps during ballgames?
Seems an NFL week doesn’t pass without some kind of in-stadium fans brawl or parking-lot punchout. Patrick Mahomes’ girlfriend had to be rescued by security at the Chiefs-Pats game? Good grief.
Of course, Roger Goodell of the Nero Fiddles League, makes no public demands for NFL patrons to cut it out, not when teams sell 12 cents worth of beer for $12.
And the NFL’s partner TV networks continue to showcase those beer-swigging, dressed-for-excess patrons as the very best fans in the house.
Leave it to MLB. Wednesday, 90 minutes after releasing word of its new, more encompassing drug-testing policy, it announced a promotional partnership for the kiddies with Vince McMahon’s WWE, the toll of its drug-dead performers so long we’ve lost count.
Unconfirmed, unreliable rumor has hedgehog fund boss Steve Cohen selling the Wilpons a reverse mortgage on the Mets.
As long as never-consulted Jersey taxpayers have to pay a portion of returned football coach Greg Schiano’s clothing allowance, shouldn’t they pick out the clothes?
Adam Silver can study dozens of artificial remedies to restore NBA TV ratings, but I still believe that real basketball fans prefer basketball to those that now include 70-90 3-point shots. It’s the NBA version of MLB’s home runs or strikeouts.
Live and learn: With the cancellation of “Tarzan” as the play at a Westchester high school, we’ve learned it’s because he’s a racist, colonialist and imperialist. Who knew? I though Tarzan was cool, a white guy who raised his family in the jungle.